I really need to go to a Bible study so that I can learn to read scripture in context.
God deserves to be praised because He is loving, He is worthy, He is constant, He never fails us, He wants us, He is the creator, He is God. He wants our prayers and he wants to have a relationship with Us. Which is intense because I see how much I stumble, I see how much those aorund me stumble, I see how the world stumbles, and it is irritating. Why should we Ever have to doubt God and question Him and then stumble and question ourselves when God is constant and mighty and true to his word? He is very big. Try to put yourself in perpective, compared to how Large the World is. Don’t even think about the universe, just look into the sky and notice how immense it is. Look at an ant and place your finger next to it. God’s finger is huge and we are the tiny ants that He could literally squish without touching it.
I really need to learn how to dig into God’s word and be Encouraged by it more than frightened. I have trouble with mixing myself with the people of the Bible who had unbelieving hearts. I do believe in God, in Christ, but then I have trouble believing in my salvation when I shouldn’t. Because I don’t have the feelings I believe my faith should produce, or I am not guilty of my sins uless they are ‘really bad’ in my eyes, because I have trouble seeking comfort from God’s promises and His words to US, I doubt myself. And in doubting myself I end up doubting God and then I get into this whole mess of trouble.
But right now, I don’t feel what I would define as peace, but contentment. I don’t feel scared or worried, and I’ve been like that since my prayer the other day after I freaked out about the verse from Hebrews. God HAS to be working on me. I know people who have gone through the same exact thing I have. They’ve grown up in the church, and they can say God brought them out of it, or is slowly bringing them out of it. I’m not alone. And I am slowly beginning to see God answering prayers. I am slowly beginning to understand fear of the Lord.
I want to keep typing to try and explain myself more, but I have trouble with speaking/writing/conveying my thoughts without going in circles.
Pray for me, please? I know I always am asking for prayer, and about the same things over and over. My dad tells me I’m being to hard on myself. But am I? Really?
So, with my little issue today…
I went into the shower, began praying, and just started singing worship songs like they were one song, and I just felt joy rise within me and I was just so content praising Jesus and then I was just smiling and thanking God and it was so wonderful.
Even after, probably five or ten minutes, I had that little nerve shoot out within me of you’re not trusting God because you are still worrying a little! And so I was like noooooooooo. But I really wanted to read Hebrews because on tumblr people have posted some one-liners and they sounded really cool, so I wanted to read some Hebrews and learn more and find more encouraging things. But then, when I got to one of the verses it kinda freaked me out. It was dealing with the Israelites who turned to God but had unbelieving hearts so they always fell, and God told them straight up they would never find His rest. And the author(Idk who it is…) was warning believers about falling away and from unbelieving hearts. And my commentary said that people who just return to sin like they did weren’t really saved(I can clarify if you want, and quote it cause that does sound a little like OH PEOPLE WHO RETURN TO SINS ARE NEVER SAVED. But it isn’t..) and so I was like GAH. And I started crying, veen after my moment of joy. Because I felt that because I have a lack of faith/trust in God that I have never truly trusted Jesus if I return to questioning salvation and getting stuck and stumbling and getting nervous around verses like these…And I was just crying out to God and asking him to basically redirect me and help me, because I’m sooooooooo tired of feeling like this and going back and forth.
So, I stopped reading Hebrews… and after a while I thought about the verse again, and I think I need to just ask for help with verses like these, because I think I read them out of context a lot of the time..And it is not that I am unbeliving, I just don’t like how I can struggle with trusting in God with all of the evidence of God around me and the truths in the Bible. It’s ridiculous how I am.
But I ended up walking around the lake later cause my dad was like WHY WERE YOU CRYING and he likes for me to get my mind off things like this..so I wlaked and I just sat at our gazebo watching lizards and the sky..and I was just praying. And I called Satan Out and told him to leave me, quit lying to me, because he is not welcomed. And I asked God from that moment to just give me assurance and more fiath and trust and joy. And now, I just feel :) I feel content. And I want it to grow and blossom. Yay. :)
Thats My King.
AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN.
22 And when He had said this, He breathed on them, and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit”.
The first meeting post cross was an impartation of the holy spirit. It’s important to realize that Jesus wanted to release the holy spirit upon the disciples because it’s what they needed to operate…
- (written by memberothebride, not the person who I am reblogging this from)I want to go to Nepal and minister to the elderly people, including the Lepers, because that is what Jesus did. He accepted them, even though they contracted a disease thatmade people think that they were So unclean that they had to live outside the city walls in groups. People still do the same today. People won’t walk on the same ground, the same sidewalk, the same dirt that millions of nasty feet touch every day. These people need to know the love of Christ. Though I have not been as impacted by Jesus as I want to be, I know that His love will impact their lives greatly, and that He will show them that they will have new, restored bodies in Heaven, znd millions of people will accepted them for who they are, not because in earth they lived diseased and shunned, but because they were washed by the blood of Jesus. I may not be able to heal them with a prayer, but I can preach the gospel, in the little time that these people have left. Jesus can renew their spirit and mind, and they will know that He accepts them. Even though their own people do not care for them, they are loved by Christ. He has not abandoned them. They are his children, they are his creation, they were created for a purpose: To serve him. I may be the person to lead them to Christ. I just need to trust that this is where Jesus wants me, a weak and faith-lacking Christian, to share the gospel, that it may impact their lives. I know that through this my relationship with God would strengthen beyond measure and that my eyes would be opened. Please pray for me, if you have read this all XD that I would trust God and that He is leading me, not myself, to go to Nepal. That if He wants me to go he will provide all the money which I do not have, and that he will guide my every step, that this year, he would strengthen me and give me faith that without a doubt, I can be a missionary right after I graduate. FORGET COLLEGE. I want to spread the gospel to the unreached lepers in Nepal! I want them to see God’s face, whether it is shining through me by his grace or through one another when they realize what they have been missing. I believe that this May be my purpose. I am beginning to love these people and I pray that he will burden my heart for these people. I want them to experience God even greater than I, because I can’t be with them forever. I want them to know Him. I want them to raise their hands and just Love him for his creation. They live in one of God’s most Creative and Beautiful places in the world. They need to know that He is there, he is real, he has not left them behind. :)
Tonight I cried again, because every other day I go from encouraged to low esteemed. I’m so lost right now. I don’t know what to do, how to function, what my first steps will be. I really need God to direct my steps and to speak to me this week. Last week I had been praying that he would change me, so that I would be completely different, and I’ve noticed how my eyes have begun to open more and more.
Last week, before I had gone to speak with my pastor, I had this stray thought, “Do you even Belief in God?” And it really freaked me out. I’m sure it was the devil taunting me, because I’d been in such distress hours before about how strong my faith to God was and assurance of salvation yaddayadda. Ever since that One stray thought, I’ve been falling to pieces every day. Because I’ve grown up in church, I’ve believed in God, in Christ, in Christ’s resurrection. All of it. If I had not grown up in the church, I don’t know where I would be now. (Honestly, I think I’d be Jewish or something haha)
It always has made me a little iffy when people meantion head knowledge versus heart knowledge, and I pray that God heals any unbelief that I have and trasnfers that head to heart.
Please Pray For Me. Pray That
I am on my knees praying to God with all of my soul. I am not worth his time if I continue to doubt and lack faith when considering his truths and his power and his promises. I do not want a blind heart. I want blind eyes to this world and all of the satanic forces within it. I want to be drawn completely to God and to him Alone. I want to serve him with every fiber of my being.
Then how come I cannot achieve that? I haven’t realized the justice God has graced us with. He has allowed for his son, blameless and pure, to walk alone, among the faithless, nonbelievers of his time. Even now, He looks down on us with disgust for our sins. But He loves us. How come I can’t understand it and fully perceive it? I want God to Completely change my life for Him and Him alone. I don’t want anythign that this world has to offer. I want God to use me and then be done, take me when it is His time.
I pray with earnestness, that God will sanctify and justify me through my salvation which I still have fears for. I pray for peace, patience, gentleness, self control, reliance on God and not man, that he will receive glory through any trial, that he will extend my faith, and that he will amaze me by opening my eyes to even the simplest of parables.
God is amazing and I’m not awakened to that. I need to be awakened.